Dumbdumb.Dingbat.Dumbass.

One brief rant of the day... I consider myself fun, lenient, understanding and "chill". I have even been called aloof which I am fine with BUT I consider my job fairly important. I know that I am young and take my position as staff nurse and charge nurse on a very busy very acute very intense medical unit very seriously. I do not think that all of panic over the current H1N1 pandemic is necessary but I do know how dangerous it is. We have had many patients with it and I have seen people die from it. I have even seen people die from it after acquiring it while in the hospital for something else. Like most hospitals we have changed our visitor policy this winter to exclude any children under the age of 18 from visiting except in extreme situations only. 2 days ago I was doing the rounds and discovered a woman visiting one of our patients in isolation for H1N1 with her two teenage sons, none of which were wearing a mask despite the signs plastered around the bedside. I gave them each a mask, reminded them of the visitor policy, told them to finish up their visit and asked to them to leave. The woman gave me a fair amount of attitude but I just blew it off, people usually aren't that nice to us when we need to limit set with them and rarely understand that we do it for our, the patients and their protection.
Well the next day, yesterday I was yet again doing my afternoon rounds and checking in with all of the patients and nurses. Once again I noticed the same woman visiting her father, in serious condition with the H1N1 flu and this time she had her even younger 7 year old son with her. I once again stepped into the room and asked her, this time not so nicely, to leave. She again gave me a fair amount of attitude and admitted to me that she had INTENTIONALLY snuck her young son into the hospital (through the stairwell to get past security mind you) to expose him to the flu because it would be good for him.
Seriously Lady? This isn't chicken pox. Do you not understand that people die from this? And also if you want to endanger and expose your 7 year old that's one thing, but then your going to send him off to school to sit next to my 7 year old nieces and nephews which really ticks me off.
Why are some people such Dumbasses?

Accomplishment

Go me! Being the responsible, modern, intelligent, single(though I prefer the term independent), young woman that I am I just accomplished the ultimate feat. My bedroom window has been broken since I moved in a year and a half ago. Living in New England, where its not uncommon to be below freezing or below zero for that matter for several months a year this just will not do. I have asked my landlord approximately once a month to please fix this, this has yet to happen. Today, I had had enough. I fixed my own window. I actually went to home depot, I bought myself some plywood, I found a hammer and nails and I boarded up my own damn window. I know that probably sounds borderline pathetic that I count this as my biggest accomplishment this weekend (lets not mention the man’s life I saved yesterday after he cardiac arrested out of no where), but I think that this is a big deal! Maybe there is hope one day that I can actually buy my own house without having a panic attack or even accomplish greater things! Also I can't wait for my landlord to see my handiwork and I dare him to say anything about the holes in the wall. Ha

Feast

T minus 3 hours until 20 of my closest friends show up for a delish Thanksgiving feast! In college when we got our first apartment my friends and I started a tradition where the weekend before we invited over every friend, classmate or crush that was around for a day of food and drink. Life has separated us through the years since then but the tradition continues. This is my first year hosting and I think I went a little crazy with the invites because nearly everyone I've mentioned it to is planning on coming. 3 of the origial college crew will be here as well as a dozen or so close work friends, dates and various aquintances. Everyone is bringing something.
The one problem with me hosting Thanksgiving dinner is that I have been a vegetarian since I was 8. Elysha came over early and got the turkey rigged up and in the oven but now its up to me to watch, gaurd and baste it. I hope we have enough food and I know we don't have enough chairs. I called my mother to ask how to do the mashed potatos but instead ended up with a recipe for apple stuffing that she claims people will rave over.
T-minus 3 hours and I'm still in sweatpants, with my hair a mess and no make up on.
I need to remember to tidy up the bathroom and vaccum the dust bunnies out from under the couch.
I think that the football game is on at 4 so maybe people, or at least the boys will want to eat in the living room which will free up some seating in the kitchen.
Hopefully we have enough wine, what pairs well with turkey? Having not tasted it in 17 years I have absolutly no idea. Its looking a little brown/blackish in the oven now, maybe I should turn down the tempurature? Also it didn't come with one of those little spiggots that pops when its done so I hope I don't give everyone salmonella poisioning.
Yikes. what did I get myself into?

Secret Confession

I have spent this evening doing something that I am absolutely ashamed of.
First of all, let me just say that I pride myself in not being one of those girls. I think that I am very level headed, practical, committed to my career, friends and family. I enjoy my independence now, and do not strive to be in a relationship, get married or have babies just because everyone around me is. Don’t get me wrong, I hope to someday. I think. I’m just certainly am not yearning for it. Okay, with that disclaimer out there I will now admit to my bad and shameful behavior.
I had a moment of weakness, a moment that lasted several hours actually. I found myself with nothing to do on this Thursday afternoon. No friends around. My roommate gone for the evening. Had coffee with my cousin. I moped around the apartment for a bit. I blew off a date with a guy I have casually been seeing. I vacuumed my curtains and cleaned out my fridge. You get my point, I was in a blah mood and basically I just dilly dallied all day. And then when I could think of nothing else to do I went to my closet.
It started innocently enough, I tried on a dress I haven’t worn out in over a year, admired myself in the mirror for several minutes and then threw it on the floor only to move on to the next one. Soon I had moved on to dressy dresses, the dresses I would never wear, and then the bridesmaid dresses. And then, because I am cursed enough to have a large closet, because I am cursed to have one of my best friends as a bridal consultant and another as a seamstress and because somehow I got conned into “holding” them, I moved far to the back of the closet to the 4 sample wedding gowns that secretly reside back there.
I tried on all four. By the last one I was exhausted from my frenzy. Too exhausted to change out of it. A beautiful 2005, strapless, ivory Watter and Watters gown, it was designed for a girl about 5 inches taller than me, but this just made the sweeping train longer, it was lovely but there was clearly no way that I could show anyone how lovely I looked.
I locked the front door as I had a distant image in my head that the date I had cancelled would show up and find me sulking in a wedding gown like a psycho. I washed the dishes, I made some dinner, I drank several glasses of wine, I watched a movie, I took a nap, I made sure to check myself out in every mirror in my house. It was nice. I didn’t feel so much like a pretend bride as I felt more like a pretend princess when I was 8 and used to run around and refuse to take off my tiara and tutu.
Later, cleaning up the mess I made of my room and my closet was not so nice, but at least I was in a good mood. It is clearly not the gown that makes you a bride, and I was happy to discover that wearing one didn’t unlock some secret longing desire to be one quite yet. On a much smaller scale I did discover though that the outfit can make an attitude, clothes can make you happy and a dress can bring you peace, at least for the afternoon.

PS-I needed to use this picture because I love this scene, I am a girl from this generation after all...

Thought of the day

Men should be made to tattoo their intentions on their foreheads.

Dear Body,

Dear Body,
I owe you my life.
Every day I see others whose have given out, will no longer support them, become their enemy. I know that I am lucky to have you while I can.
You allow me to comfort others, to hold them in their last and most vulnerable moments.
You have amazing strengths, that many people will never know. You allow me to lift, push, pull others twice or three times my size.
You have been struck, kicked, bitten and grabbed by others whose bodies and minds are no longer their own and yet you do not take offense.
Some days we have to run and run and run to keep others safe and you provide us with that speed.
I, time and again, expose you to sickness, fatigue, viruses and disease, but you have built for me iron immunity, and you continue to critique it every day.
I abuse you to no end; you get little sleep for days at a time, you are not fed or watered healthily or often enough, sometimes you do not sit for 12, 14, 16 hours.
Although you are strong, sometimes my mind and spirit cannot keep up with you and you are poisoned, sedated, intoxicated.
I know that others my age are often unhappy with, find fault with, even hate their bodies, and very occasionally I forget and I do to.
But then I remember how blessed I am for the strength and ability that you give me, and that most do not know in their daily lives and I am grateful.
You are my livelihood.
Gratefully and Sincerely,
Nurse